Steve's Beer Survey

For a couple of months now, Steve has been taking part in a survey on drinking habits. Every alcoholic beverage that passes his lips, and the circumstances under which it was drunk, must be written down on a special sheet. Every so often, the research company calls him up, and he reads the information down the phone. Problem is, the female researcher that calls sounds somewhat foxy, and Steve soon harboured hopes that he might ask her out. This left him with a dilemma - should he confess his true drinking patterns, or would this scotch his chances of a date? For the first time, we can exclusively reveal a typical week's consumption, along with the doctored data that Steve passed on to his fantasy research chick.

day:	actual consumption:	consumption revealed to researcher:
Sunday	Dregs of previous night's discarded can with a cig for breakfast. A swift four at lunchtime with a tin of cold baked beans, prior to going out for a skinful with Burkie at night.	Pint of bitter shandy, with Sunday papers, in a charming thatched country pub before traditional Sunday lunch.
Monday	Working today, so just a couple of sherries at home alone in the evening, plus a can of Mackeson.	No alcohol drunk.
Tuesday	Three Tennant's Super plus sherry chasers, home, alone.	One small port at regular Tuesday Poetry Circle.
Wednesday	Five whiskeys, home, alone.	No alcohol drunk.
Thursday	Three little bottles of French Lager with tea, home, alone. Five pints of bitter, a Jack Daniels and Drambuie to finish, in pub, with The Boys.	Single glass of wine during sophisticated dinner with friends.
Friday	Two Newcastle Broon with tea, home, alone. Six pints of Old Speckled Hen in the Robin Hood with mates.	Small gin & tonic during the interval at the opera with friends.
Saturday	Nip of sherry in morning cup of tea. Three Stella with pub lunch after coming out of the bookie's. Bottle of warm Hock with evening meal. Eight pints of Heineken Export whilst on the pull in Level Ten.	Two bottles of Kaliber in an Alderley Edge wine bar.

The above may shed some light on why surveys reported in the papers are always complete cobblers...

Do you know of any more illicit drinking by Steve? Or perhaps you have a picture of the young lady from the research company? - E:Mail us!